My Philosophy
Take a moment to think about…
… all the things we typically identify ourselves with.
Perhaps things like your personality or work come to mind.
Or is it your friends and family?
Maybe it’s your car or some other special possessions…
Or do you think of life experiences, community, hobbies, wins, losses, or where you stand among your peers?
Do you think about your body, skin color, shape, size, fitness, or other physical characteristics?
What about your likes and dislikes, habits, thoughts, and feelings?
But are these things really you?
They are part of your experience in this world, but is there a you that’s still YOU without them?
What if you imagined all these things while allowing yourself to let them go, one at a time?
You can even say to yourself, “I am not that,” noticing what is present if you let it go for a moment.
What is that like for you?
There is a central question here of “Who am I?”
All of these things play an important role in our experience of the world. They can shape what happens to us, how others see us, and how we see ourselves. They can also contribute to feelings of worthiness, belonging, security, freedom, personal power, and autonomy.
But, these contexts, dynamics, and experiences aren’t who we are.
So, who are you? Who am I?
World religions and philosophies all speak to the Self, the Soul, the Spirit…
Questions about consciousness and God are central to some of the deepest questions at the heart of existence.
From a therapeutic point of view, our business is connecting to the Witness – that part of us that is conscious of our experience but ultimately is not identified with it.
Our experiences as a biological organism, an individual self – a mammalian animal, a person in interrelationship with others: family, community, and society – all create the lens through which we see ourselves and our relationship with all of life. These experiences also contribute to what we believe to be possible, influencing how we see our goodness, worth, and value.
Our witness consciousness is that part of ourselves that sees and holds space for all of our experience. If you did the exercise above, then you might have gotten in touch with this part of you – this you that is awareness – this you that was imagining… that was letting go yet remaining present in that space of emptiness when those outer identifications were shed.
This is what I see as our “essential self”…
It’s this Witness… this awareness… this consciousness… this higher self.
When we can align ourselves with our essential self, we can be present, experiencing the fullness of life.
When we have access to this perspective, we can simply allow what is present to be. If there is fear, there’s fear. If there is pain, there’s pain. If there is joy, there’s joy.
There is no conditioning – no holding back, no constriction or avoidance, no shame. The Witness nonjudgmentally takes in the fullness of what is, and we learn from it, grow in it, and let it go, present in the here and now.
Suffering comes when we hold on, identify with, or avoid…
… what is in our awareness – what’s in our ever-changing present moment experience.
Trauma, lack of attunement or invalidation from others, all the possible situations that give rise to fear, lack of belonging, or somehow not honoring our inherent goodness, beauty, and personal sovereignty, create beliefs we are somehow broken. That we’re wrong, not good enough, not okay, less than, or deficient in some way.
We live how we’re “supposed to,” following various “shoulds ”– internalized rules that disconnect us from our essential self – customs that don’t align with who we are or what we need.
Therapy in Mindfulness supports your Witness…
It helps you to be aware of these inner dynamics.
Feelings, thoughts, bodily sensations, and habitual responses are all avenues for self-study. They are access points to deepen our understanding of the fishbowl of our inner world – of the individual perspectives and belief systems that may be maladaptive or limiting to us in some way.
Through mindfulness, we align with our Witness with the experience of the present moment. And being present with our experience, connecting to it, allowing it, and deepening our understanding of it, we get to know what we need – what feels nourishing. When we give ourselves that, we feel the goodness of that nourishment; we can enjoy and rest in it, letting go of whatever is causing us suffering.
This is where you can change… and heal.
Instead of repeatedly playing out old wounds or patterns, new possibilities and new ways of responding and arising. We don’t need permission to be ourselves; instead, we can feel the joy of that freedom of presence and be, validating our own existence and worth.
Each of us carries both shadow and gold.
I believe each of us contains inherent goodness: kindness, love, courage, and compassion – the virtues of humanity.
And each of us carries some sense of badness: feelings of shame, pettiness, unworthiness, meanness, or selfishness in some form. This is sometimes referred to as our “shadow self.”
When we’re at odds with ourselves – when different parts of us want different things (or at least disagree with how those things should look) – we stop developing.
But mindfulness lets us be present with ALL aspects of ourselves. We can approach our gold and shadow with compassion. Yes, we can deepen our understanding of ourselves by holding space for our dark side’s intentions (usually about getting some inherent need met). Instead of judgment or shame, we offer kindness and compassion, even appreciation for what is present.
Our Witness allows both light and dark, shadow and gold, to exist in the same space.
Healing is not about getting rid of our “badness” or our shadow.
It’s about integration.
It’s about allowing, understanding, and supporting a harmonious camaraderie among all our various parts.
It’s about honoring our needs, understanding them, and taking effective action to fulfill them.
It’s not about “getting over” an experience; it’s about allowing space for it to move through us.
That’s what growth is and how it happens. We grow to give space to all of our experience, giving it room to breathe and inform us, taking in all the lessons and wisdom it has to offer us for how we live now.
Growth and healing take courage.
Awakening takes courage. It requires us to focus and move through the pain rather than avoid it. It can be challenging and tough.
But the rewards can be great. Instead of being stymied, stagnant, avoidant, responding out of fear, and staying small, we can allow the best of ourselves to come forward.
We start writing the book of how our life will be lived instead of being in the passenger seat, waiting for it to happen.
I offer you a space to step into the presence of your Witness.
Are you ready to hold a space for your pain, fears, and challenges?
Are you ready to develop the compassion and curiosity to bring forth your best, mindful self?
I’m ready to connect and offer my support so that you can awaken to all the possibilities in your life and connect with your best self, the you that is whole, healthy, and fully you.
If you’re called to do this work, then I invite you to connect to me. Call or message today to schedule your free 20-minute consultation: (406) 381-4548.